I am in my early 60s, and I had no idea there was any question at all about the cause of sexual orientation. The butch lesbians who looked like boys and rode mini bikes and drew male super heroes were like that in sixth grade. The effeminate gay guys who hung out with the girls were like that in junior high. Everyone we intuitively knew was homosexual in the early years of school did, indeed, turn out to be attracted to the same sex. I thought it was common knowledge they were born that way. The one beautiful bisexual woman I know, who is at least a generation younger than I, chose men because she wanted to be a wife and mother.
Unyielding Bicycle, I laughed all the way through this. Your captions were especially hilarious. I have always longed to have butch biceps, and I think it is funny that AI is not into women with short hair.
I remember the "female sexual fluidity" craze around 2005-2010s or so. It bothered me that ppl were insinuating female sexuality is fluid, but male sexuality isn't. Seemed like a trojan horse for eroding women's sexual boundaries and letting creepy men try to "turn" lesbians.
Another point: it's a bit disconcerting that GC lesbian circles platform political lesbians so much, e.g., the lesbian caucus at WDI USA.
Interesting, what do you mean about the WDI lesbian caucus? Some of their writings rubbed me the wrong way but I haven't looked into it closely, didn't realize they platformed political lesbians.
They betray Lesbians and slandered me in their video with Lauren Levey and Sheila Jeffries without permitting me being able to reply to their lies. Jeffries can't even keep her lies straight and makes up different versions while plagiarizing our book.
Levey, in a phone conversation some years ago, after I sent her the link to my blog, actually said "You say you're working class but you sound intelligent."
Jeffries with Levey trashed me and our book, Dykes-Loving-Dykes, while censoring my attempts at replying. Linda Strega, Ruston, and I met Jeffries in the late Eighties in Oakland and spent hours supporting her, but then she pushed to talk about "Butch and Fem." We thought, uh oh, here it goes, and as soon as she found out we thought beyond role playing and were choices made in girlhood, she literally ran away. Refused to look us in the eye or continue talking. It was so reminiscent of how I was treated when I told a girl in high school I thought I was a Lesbian. She hates us, but I wish she wouldn't lie about us.
Thanks for explaining. I always was taught and assumed that gay people were just "born that way" and that it was rare. Lately, I hear gay people saying that they "choose" to be gay and that completely baffles me. Why would anyone "choose" a life that at times can be difficult to navigate?...It's better/easier now than 20-40 yrs ago! But then again, I'm 60 and life right now seems very strange/turbulent to me in general.
“because keeping gay kids in the dark about sexual orientation makes them vulnerable to thinking they’re trans.” i would argue that the reification of trans as something reality-based, and an entrenched hostility to gender-nonconformity, makes gay people vulnerable to thinking their trans. i am a gay who once thought she was trans 👋🏻 and what brought me back to reality was 1) i found some people who told me they did not accept that anyone could be “born in the wrong body”. and 2) promising myself that, even if i was not trans, i did not ever again have to wear anything i did not want to wear. my sexual orientation has felt like an immutable part of who i am (my “gender identity” felt like something i did to be like other people) and i’m not sure i need any scientific studies (and there are many junk scientific studies claiming to point to a biological basis for trans identification) to tell me that.
There is not a lot of thought, generation to generation in the LGBTQ community. Gay adults quickly forget just how much they need the affirmation that they are normal as a kid, just the way they were born.
What really bothers me about dudes in dresses pursuing actual lesbians is that they use the SAME goddamn line, with a twist, that they use on straight women: Instead of, "You don't want to have sex with me? You must be a LESBIAN! If you're not, then PROVE IT!", lesbians get, "You don't want to have sex with me and my big hairy ladydick? You must not be a REAL lesbian! If you are, then PROVE IT!"
Today's young women are naive enough, and possibly inexperienced in *hetero* male sexual predation, to be guilt-tripped into it (sometimes, anyway).
The first step is no longer allow men to get away with that "I'm a lesbian" crap anymore. Men are not lesbians. EVER.
Very helpful analysis. Something rather sinister happened when I clicked on the link to studies from the 2000s on lesbians. The article at the top of the page was, as you had implied, about how lesbians react differently to pheromones than do straight women. It was lighter fare than I was hoping for so I scrolled down to see if more details were provided in a references section. Lo and behold, I am presented with lots of info on GAC (the URL updates to https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/gender-affirmation-surgeries). It's almost as if the content was being served up to UNDERMINE the pheromone article. Please check it out and see if you have the same experience. Like I said, SINISTER.
Wow, I did see that. My guess is the site's algorithm connects the two subjects because lots of people who research lesbianism also research GAC. Or maybe someone coded it -- show GAC content alongside gay content. Ugh.
Also, I am very curious to know whether there was a period when schools taught that sexual orientation has biological roots, i.e., after homosexuality was more accepted and before the present day obfuscation about sexual orientation that serves to shield gender identity theory from scrutiny. This issue is personal for me as my teenage daughter is fully convinced she's a boy, while we think she's a butch lesbian.
I'm curious about that too. I think I learned it was innate but in a very vague and cursory way (I'm 39). Sorry to hear about your daughter. I think role models are key but it has always been hard to find good role models in the lesbian world, for one reason or another.
Something went amiss. Queer is abnormal. Promoting queerness enables other abnormalities.
Remembering Mathew Shepherd and how his death was used to guilt straights into accepting queer.
The (well known) leaders then were lying when they promised America "just let us be and we won't cause any problems and we certainly won't come after YOUR CHILDREN." Let the rage comments begin!
Nope. It was not Matthew Shepard's murder; it was the 1980's and AIDS that kicked us, kicking and screaming, out of our closets. No one under age 40 could possibly have any accurate memory of that grief-stricken time. For centuries, most people could say completely in good faith, "I don't know any gay people.", which made the mockery, contempt, hatred and even violence against those who didn't conform to sex roles and stereotypes widely acceptable. It became unacceptable, however, when sons, cousins ,and nephews, friends, neighbors, coworkers, even that nice young man at church broke out in horrible purple lesions or was losing weight like maybe he had cancer that it started to change. Even then it wasn't immediate or unanimous; for years, there were preachers telling their flocks AIDS was God's righteous judgment on queers and dope fiends. (Why He couldn't figure out how to spare the babies born to mothers who had made some poor choices is a question for the theologians.) There was one joke. What's the hardest problem in having AIDS? Trying to convince your parents you're really Haitian.
Thank you again for walking your readings down the logical path. I admit I found Lisa Diamond’s presentation compelling when people around me were insisting their kids were inherently trans due to hormone wash and also due to born that way “facts”. Diamond asserts that there are more genders now due to more genders being shown in media. That seemed more real than the other theories.
As much as I like you other writing, you do not have a clue about Lesbians. You don't even seem to notice that "vaginas" are the parts men focus on, as opposed to vulvas. That's a giveaway as to where minds are (or aren't.) You also refer to vaginas "lubricating" to ape porn? WTF? There is no excuse to be this dense.
I keep saying that human females and males are more different that are females of different species.
Of course men will feel "born this way," but it's gay men demanding we agree to ask for equal rights (on our knees) that shows the bias. For Lesbians who did not first choose men and for many others, we choose other women out of love and then passion is part of that, and our choice is one of pride, not wishing we could be het.
I'm a Lifelong Lesbian and believe all females are "born this way" in terms of loving our own kind, but the punishments (including terror at being called a Lesbian) for following our hearts, is massive, as are the rewards for obeying the men and patriarchy (which is why many of us believe heterosexuality for women is a form of prostitution.)
I would discuss this more, but admit I skimmed because what you wrote was so offensive and off. And considering how Lesbian-hating Julie Bindel was to me and Linda Strega and Ruston about our book, Dykes-Loving-Dykes (that we published in 1990, but is now updated at my first blog), I object to her being considered expert about anything Lesbian and really don't want to read anything she has to say. (Her criticism of our book consisted of ridiculing cartoons because she really couldn't disagree with respect. She seems like yet hanother woman who came out later who has made a career out of being a "Lesbian.")
So, you’ve studied the biology (sexologists) and the sociological (gender docs financial incentives) but, there is a rich *social psychological* literature on identity formation that should at least be considered? Here I see a conflation of your biological with the social:
“The best explanation for a gay kid’s homosexuality and affinity for opposite-sex style and interests … “
How many have said - “I just *knew* that tomboy/sissy kid would turn out gay”? It’s so complex (seems to me). Small hypothetical: take a girl who’s athletic and eschews dresses, makeup, and all things pink. Kids around her think she’s ‘weird’, call her lesbo, and macho boys wouldn’t be caught dead dating her. Of course she’d be attracted to the dyke world of others kinda like her. As to the smell factor, well I’m of the opinion that many more would engage in same sex behavior (kinda randomly, just for fun!) if it weren’t for social taboos (sex is “dirty” right?) As you mentioned, it’s really hard to test arousal responses to these smells.
Sorry for the late response to your post. Someone I follow restacked it. Appreciate your work!
Thank you for the references; they have been most instructive. Your article is concise and will-written, but it is no less than one expects from an attorney.
A discussion with a biologist, six years ago, retailed the assertion that humans do not have pheromone activity. I did not pursue objective verification at that time, but your article induced me to delve a bit deeper.
This study discusses vomeronasal perception and other receptor mechanisms:
One thread woven through the tapestry of the subject of origins, is clearly the matter of adherence to cherished narrative as a buffer against emotional lability, and no wonder. As I reflect on four decades of mourning the loss of loved ones, the associated memory is one of societal horror posing as fastidiousness. I do not sneer at those who avoid the struggle toward deeper understanding; it can be far more than uncomfortable.
It reifies the Hobbesian observation of life as "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short." There is no time for withholding compassion for all who suffer, and what more persistent a misery can there be than self-loathing and societal contumely?
Information is a nontrivial palliative of anxiety and fear. It's unsurprising that people forgo this palliative in preference for narratives congenial to tribal formation; we live one day at a time.
"Know thyself," that inscription at the entrance to the temple of Apollo at Delphi, is the signpost to the way forward. Doing so, however, requires a willingness to set aside comfortably self-enforced ignorance and risk discarding one's a priori assumptions. Again; those unable to do so, are deserving of compassion.
Understanding why anyone is heterosexual or homosexual is a matter of grave import. We are creatures of emotion and social interdependence, and societal cohesion founders on the sort of inchoate ostracism expressed toward cohorts who offer no harm, cohorts consisting of our sisters, brothers and neighbors.
Kindness and compassion are essential, being two sides of the same social coin. Copulatory practice, whether instinctual or preferential, is inseparable from the social contract, being an element of procreation.
As we learn more about why we exhibit trait expression in any given fashion, we come to understand that there are underpinnings to procreation involving intrinsic reward mechanisms necessary to, but mere correlates of, reproduction.
As an attorney, you will have abjured naivete in requisite discernment of facts essential to your calling. And yet, in pursuing facts that are, to some, rather bleak, you have obviously refused to elide salient factors that lead to a deeper understanding of the human condition. This is exceptional.
I'm a lesbian because back in 1987, when my boyfriend didn't have a condom, he asked if he could pull out. I said okay. Two pumps and he was out. Some time after that I thought about what would have happened if he hadn't pulled out in time. It was the first time I had ever considered that possibility. The thought of being inseminated did not appeal to me at all. I imagined that heterosexual women probably looked forward to it and even fantasized about it. I concluded that I must be a lesbian. (I also had a history of crushes on other women.)
I went to his apartment to break up with him, very nervous and wanting to let him down easy. I had not decided whether I was going to tell him I that I had realized I was gay.
When Hal answered the door I asked to speak with him. He said he playing music from Berstein's Mass and excitingly ran back to the piano and started singing and playing. After the song, I asked to speak to him again. He answered, "Wait til you hear this one, this one's great" and commenced singing/playing again. I was a shy, timid, unassertive 20-year-old. I thought to myself, "I'm making the right decision. I'm sick of being ignored by this asshole." After the end of the 2nd song (these were long songs - Berstein's Mass is a Broadway musical in the form of a Latin Mass), I said I had to speak to him about something. He said, "One more!" and right back to playing and singing. Now I was getting very angry and planned to put my foot down after this song. To hell with letting him down easy! In the middle of the 3rd song, he stopped, swung around to face me and said, "John and Linda are getting married. What do you think about us getting married"?
As an adolescent boy without any understanding of my autistic traits, I considered the possibility of me being gay. Liked the idea a bit, surely liked the subculture. But after at last having gotten close to one or two young ladies I decided they smelled better to me than any of my beloved male friends. Much later I once banged a guy in a pretty dress nevertheless for practical reasons.
It’s very possibly more evidence of born this way will be discovered later. There is something lacking in the desire to form a mushy alternative world view out of impatience. We know it’s incredibly helpful to have categories like gay. It’s very functional for gay and lesbian kids. The choosy stuff is secondary and philosophical. The mushy gender stuff reflects the pains of an indeterminate world and the desire of academics to make answers even when answers aren’t there. Who does it hurt to have reasonably concrete concepts of gay and lesbian and even bisexual? They are useful. They do work for people, and they are easy to understand.
You can almost see the glint in the eye of the academic who wishes to discard all concepts because they are on the cusp of what… figuring it all out? Ushering in the perfectly clear world? They embody a desire for euphoric mastery that just isn’t a real thing.
Gay, lesbian, born this way, are completely acceptable. No need to await the second coming of the academic from whom ALL will be made clear. No more gender revelations, rearranging of the same pieces, titillating oneself into a blind euphoria of churn. Do science. Wait. Repeat the same things we know.
I am in my early 60s, and I had no idea there was any question at all about the cause of sexual orientation. The butch lesbians who looked like boys and rode mini bikes and drew male super heroes were like that in sixth grade. The effeminate gay guys who hung out with the girls were like that in junior high. Everyone we intuitively knew was homosexual in the early years of school did, indeed, turn out to be attracted to the same sex. I thought it was common knowledge they were born that way. The one beautiful bisexual woman I know, who is at least a generation younger than I, chose men because she wanted to be a wife and mother.
Unyielding Bicycle, I laughed all the way through this. Your captions were especially hilarious. I have always longed to have butch biceps, and I think it is funny that AI is not into women with short hair.
I remember the "female sexual fluidity" craze around 2005-2010s or so. It bothered me that ppl were insinuating female sexuality is fluid, but male sexuality isn't. Seemed like a trojan horse for eroding women's sexual boundaries and letting creepy men try to "turn" lesbians.
Another point: it's a bit disconcerting that GC lesbian circles platform political lesbians so much, e.g., the lesbian caucus at WDI USA.
Interesting, what do you mean about the WDI lesbian caucus? Some of their writings rubbed me the wrong way but I haven't looked into it closely, didn't realize they platformed political lesbians.
They betray Lesbians and slandered me in their video with Lauren Levey and Sheila Jeffries without permitting me being able to reply to their lies. Jeffries can't even keep her lies straight and makes up different versions while plagiarizing our book.
Levey, in a phone conversation some years ago, after I sent her the link to my blog, actually said "You say you're working class but you sound intelligent."
WDI is heavily under the influence of Sheila Jeffreys. Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrov9It3w-Y
Jeffreys also doesn't like "butches," either (by invoking a strawman version of butch that conveniently excludes her, but includes sadomasochists): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkSmIZKY7ls&t=2391s
Thanks. I just clicked ahead at random and she was calling all penetration male-supremacist. Eesh.
Jeffries with Levey trashed me and our book, Dykes-Loving-Dykes, while censoring my attempts at replying. Linda Strega, Ruston, and I met Jeffries in the late Eighties in Oakland and spent hours supporting her, but then she pushed to talk about "Butch and Fem." We thought, uh oh, here it goes, and as soon as she found out we thought beyond role playing and were choices made in girlhood, she literally ran away. Refused to look us in the eye or continue talking. It was so reminiscent of how I was treated when I told a girl in high school I thought I was a Lesbian. She hates us, but I wish she wouldn't lie about us.
That’s the microplastics fam
Thanks for explaining. I always was taught and assumed that gay people were just "born that way" and that it was rare. Lately, I hear gay people saying that they "choose" to be gay and that completely baffles me. Why would anyone "choose" a life that at times can be difficult to navigate?...It's better/easier now than 20-40 yrs ago! But then again, I'm 60 and life right now seems very strange/turbulent to me in general.
“because keeping gay kids in the dark about sexual orientation makes them vulnerable to thinking they’re trans.” i would argue that the reification of trans as something reality-based, and an entrenched hostility to gender-nonconformity, makes gay people vulnerable to thinking their trans. i am a gay who once thought she was trans 👋🏻 and what brought me back to reality was 1) i found some people who told me they did not accept that anyone could be “born in the wrong body”. and 2) promising myself that, even if i was not trans, i did not ever again have to wear anything i did not want to wear. my sexual orientation has felt like an immutable part of who i am (my “gender identity” felt like something i did to be like other people) and i’m not sure i need any scientific studies (and there are many junk scientific studies claiming to point to a biological basis for trans identification) to tell me that.
I am thrilled you took to time to lay this out.
There is not a lot of thought, generation to generation in the LGBTQ community. Gay adults quickly forget just how much they need the affirmation that they are normal as a kid, just the way they were born.
What really bothers me about dudes in dresses pursuing actual lesbians is that they use the SAME goddamn line, with a twist, that they use on straight women: Instead of, "You don't want to have sex with me? You must be a LESBIAN! If you're not, then PROVE IT!", lesbians get, "You don't want to have sex with me and my big hairy ladydick? You must not be a REAL lesbian! If you are, then PROVE IT!"
Today's young women are naive enough, and possibly inexperienced in *hetero* male sexual predation, to be guilt-tripped into it (sometimes, anyway).
The first step is no longer allow men to get away with that "I'm a lesbian" crap anymore. Men are not lesbians. EVER.
Very helpful analysis. Something rather sinister happened when I clicked on the link to studies from the 2000s on lesbians. The article at the top of the page was, as you had implied, about how lesbians react differently to pheromones than do straight women. It was lighter fare than I was hoping for so I scrolled down to see if more details were provided in a references section. Lo and behold, I am presented with lots of info on GAC (the URL updates to https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/gender-affirmation-surgeries). It's almost as if the content was being served up to UNDERMINE the pheromone article. Please check it out and see if you have the same experience. Like I said, SINISTER.
Wow, I did see that. My guess is the site's algorithm connects the two subjects because lots of people who research lesbianism also research GAC. Or maybe someone coded it -- show GAC content alongside gay content. Ugh.
Also, I am very curious to know whether there was a period when schools taught that sexual orientation has biological roots, i.e., after homosexuality was more accepted and before the present day obfuscation about sexual orientation that serves to shield gender identity theory from scrutiny. This issue is personal for me as my teenage daughter is fully convinced she's a boy, while we think she's a butch lesbian.
I'm curious about that too. I think I learned it was innate but in a very vague and cursory way (I'm 39). Sorry to hear about your daughter. I think role models are key but it has always been hard to find good role models in the lesbian world, for one reason or another.
Megyn Kelly on mute 😂😂😂
Something went amiss. Queer is abnormal. Promoting queerness enables other abnormalities.
Remembering Mathew Shepherd and how his death was used to guilt straights into accepting queer.
The (well known) leaders then were lying when they promised America "just let us be and we won't cause any problems and we certainly won't come after YOUR CHILDREN." Let the rage comments begin!
Nope. It was not Matthew Shepard's murder; it was the 1980's and AIDS that kicked us, kicking and screaming, out of our closets. No one under age 40 could possibly have any accurate memory of that grief-stricken time. For centuries, most people could say completely in good faith, "I don't know any gay people.", which made the mockery, contempt, hatred and even violence against those who didn't conform to sex roles and stereotypes widely acceptable. It became unacceptable, however, when sons, cousins ,and nephews, friends, neighbors, coworkers, even that nice young man at church broke out in horrible purple lesions or was losing weight like maybe he had cancer that it started to change. Even then it wasn't immediate or unanimous; for years, there were preachers telling their flocks AIDS was God's righteous judgment on queers and dope fiends. (Why He couldn't figure out how to spare the babies born to mothers who had made some poor choices is a question for the theologians.) There was one joke. What's the hardest problem in having AIDS? Trying to convince your parents you're really Haitian.
Thank you again for walking your readings down the logical path. I admit I found Lisa Diamond’s presentation compelling when people around me were insisting their kids were inherently trans due to hormone wash and also due to born that way “facts”. Diamond asserts that there are more genders now due to more genders being shown in media. That seemed more real than the other theories.
As much as I like you other writing, you do not have a clue about Lesbians. You don't even seem to notice that "vaginas" are the parts men focus on, as opposed to vulvas. That's a giveaway as to where minds are (or aren't.) You also refer to vaginas "lubricating" to ape porn? WTF? There is no excuse to be this dense.
I keep saying that human females and males are more different that are females of different species.
Of course men will feel "born this way," but it's gay men demanding we agree to ask for equal rights (on our knees) that shows the bias. For Lesbians who did not first choose men and for many others, we choose other women out of love and then passion is part of that, and our choice is one of pride, not wishing we could be het.
I'm a Lifelong Lesbian and believe all females are "born this way" in terms of loving our own kind, but the punishments (including terror at being called a Lesbian) for following our hearts, is massive, as are the rewards for obeying the men and patriarchy (which is why many of us believe heterosexuality for women is a form of prostitution.)
I would discuss this more, but admit I skimmed because what you wrote was so offensive and off. And considering how Lesbian-hating Julie Bindel was to me and Linda Strega and Ruston about our book, Dykes-Loving-Dykes (that we published in 1990, but is now updated at my first blog), I object to her being considered expert about anything Lesbian and really don't want to read anything she has to say. (Her criticism of our book consisted of ridiculing cartoons because she really couldn't disagree with respect. She seems like yet hanother woman who came out later who has made a career out of being a "Lesbian.")
https://keepingreallesbianfeminismsimple.wordpress.com/2018/10/05/lesbians-born-this-way-or-a-making-a-choice-of-pride/
So, you’ve studied the biology (sexologists) and the sociological (gender docs financial incentives) but, there is a rich *social psychological* literature on identity formation that should at least be considered? Here I see a conflation of your biological with the social:
“The best explanation for a gay kid’s homosexuality and affinity for opposite-sex style and interests … “
How many have said - “I just *knew* that tomboy/sissy kid would turn out gay”? It’s so complex (seems to me). Small hypothetical: take a girl who’s athletic and eschews dresses, makeup, and all things pink. Kids around her think she’s ‘weird’, call her lesbo, and macho boys wouldn’t be caught dead dating her. Of course she’d be attracted to the dyke world of others kinda like her. As to the smell factor, well I’m of the opinion that many more would engage in same sex behavior (kinda randomly, just for fun!) if it weren’t for social taboos (sex is “dirty” right?) As you mentioned, it’s really hard to test arousal responses to these smells.
Sorry for the late response to your post. Someone I follow restacked it. Appreciate your work!
Thank you for the references; they have been most instructive. Your article is concise and will-written, but it is no less than one expects from an attorney.
A discussion with a biologist, six years ago, retailed the assertion that humans do not have pheromone activity. I did not pursue objective verification at that time, but your article induced me to delve a bit deeper.
This study discusses vomeronasal perception and other receptor mechanisms:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3987372/
And this one insight into the reinforcement mechanisms involved with the ventral striatum:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4143465/
One thread woven through the tapestry of the subject of origins, is clearly the matter of adherence to cherished narrative as a buffer against emotional lability, and no wonder. As I reflect on four decades of mourning the loss of loved ones, the associated memory is one of societal horror posing as fastidiousness. I do not sneer at those who avoid the struggle toward deeper understanding; it can be far more than uncomfortable.
It reifies the Hobbesian observation of life as "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short." There is no time for withholding compassion for all who suffer, and what more persistent a misery can there be than self-loathing and societal contumely?
Information is a nontrivial palliative of anxiety and fear. It's unsurprising that people forgo this palliative in preference for narratives congenial to tribal formation; we live one day at a time.
"Know thyself," that inscription at the entrance to the temple of Apollo at Delphi, is the signpost to the way forward. Doing so, however, requires a willingness to set aside comfortably self-enforced ignorance and risk discarding one's a priori assumptions. Again; those unable to do so, are deserving of compassion.
Understanding why anyone is heterosexual or homosexual is a matter of grave import. We are creatures of emotion and social interdependence, and societal cohesion founders on the sort of inchoate ostracism expressed toward cohorts who offer no harm, cohorts consisting of our sisters, brothers and neighbors.
Kindness and compassion are essential, being two sides of the same social coin. Copulatory practice, whether instinctual or preferential, is inseparable from the social contract, being an element of procreation.
As we learn more about why we exhibit trait expression in any given fashion, we come to understand that there are underpinnings to procreation involving intrinsic reward mechanisms necessary to, but mere correlates of, reproduction.
As an attorney, you will have abjured naivete in requisite discernment of facts essential to your calling. And yet, in pursuing facts that are, to some, rather bleak, you have obviously refused to elide salient factors that lead to a deeper understanding of the human condition. This is exceptional.
I thank you for a most thought-provoking essay.
I'm a lesbian because back in 1987, when my boyfriend didn't have a condom, he asked if he could pull out. I said okay. Two pumps and he was out. Some time after that I thought about what would have happened if he hadn't pulled out in time. It was the first time I had ever considered that possibility. The thought of being inseminated did not appeal to me at all. I imagined that heterosexual women probably looked forward to it and even fantasized about it. I concluded that I must be a lesbian. (I also had a history of crushes on other women.)
I went to his apartment to break up with him, very nervous and wanting to let him down easy. I had not decided whether I was going to tell him I that I had realized I was gay.
When Hal answered the door I asked to speak with him. He said he playing music from Berstein's Mass and excitingly ran back to the piano and started singing and playing. After the song, I asked to speak to him again. He answered, "Wait til you hear this one, this one's great" and commenced singing/playing again. I was a shy, timid, unassertive 20-year-old. I thought to myself, "I'm making the right decision. I'm sick of being ignored by this asshole." After the end of the 2nd song (these were long songs - Berstein's Mass is a Broadway musical in the form of a Latin Mass), I said I had to speak to him about something. He said, "One more!" and right back to playing and singing. Now I was getting very angry and planned to put my foot down after this song. To hell with letting him down easy! In the middle of the 3rd song, he stopped, swung around to face me and said, "John and Linda are getting married. What do you think about us getting married"?
As an adolescent boy without any understanding of my autistic traits, I considered the possibility of me being gay. Liked the idea a bit, surely liked the subculture. But after at last having gotten close to one or two young ladies I decided they smelled better to me than any of my beloved male friends. Much later I once banged a guy in a pretty dress nevertheless for practical reasons.
It’s very possibly more evidence of born this way will be discovered later. There is something lacking in the desire to form a mushy alternative world view out of impatience. We know it’s incredibly helpful to have categories like gay. It’s very functional for gay and lesbian kids. The choosy stuff is secondary and philosophical. The mushy gender stuff reflects the pains of an indeterminate world and the desire of academics to make answers even when answers aren’t there. Who does it hurt to have reasonably concrete concepts of gay and lesbian and even bisexual? They are useful. They do work for people, and they are easy to understand.
You can almost see the glint in the eye of the academic who wishes to discard all concepts because they are on the cusp of what… figuring it all out? Ushering in the perfectly clear world? They embody a desire for euphoric mastery that just isn’t a real thing.
Gay, lesbian, born this way, are completely acceptable. No need to await the second coming of the academic from whom ALL will be made clear. No more gender revelations, rearranging of the same pieces, titillating oneself into a blind euphoria of churn. Do science. Wait. Repeat the same things we know.